Look ahead, you are not expected to complete the task. Neither are you permitted to lay it down.

- The Talmud

How to help someone you know who is abused:

If you know someone who is – or might be – battered, your support is important.

So, the question is, how do I support her? What do you do if you think someone you know is abused?

Jumping in to say too much (Your shouldn’t put up with it; if you don’t break up with him then I’m not going to help you) might come from a place of caring or frustration, but will not help her.

On the flip side, not saying anything (it’s a private matter; you don’t know what to say) can make her feel like you wouldn’t be interested.

Let her know you are there for her…and then listen. Simply listen. It’s one of the most powerful things you can do. And when someone begins to open up, you don’t need to have all the answers (or any answer) because battering is complicated and there is no one answer.

Battering is about her abuser having power and control and making her feel like she’s losing her sense of reality. Help her to hold on to her truth by listening.

Phrases that are helpful include:

“What’s it like for you?” - to help her talk about it and help you understand it.

“It’s not your fault” - a big part of battering is him blaming her for his behavior

“It sounds like you are in a tough situation” - this validates how complicated and difficult it is to help her begin to unravel the many threads of the abuse.

“You’re a strong person” - she may not feel strong but she is. Surviving abuse takes incredible strength.

Then, you can give her our hotline number – 704-788-2826.

You are also welcome to call to talk more about options. A trained advocate is here 24 hours a day 365 days a year to talk. And our Outreach Center is open By Appointment to talk in person.

From: Elaine Weiss Surviving Domestic Violence: Voices of Women who Broke Free

How do we as individuals and as a broader community say domestic violence is unacceptable?

5 Things You Can Do to Make an Impact

• 5. When someone makes a joke about abuse, you don’t need to laugh and you don’t need to ignore it. You can say that you don’t think that it’s funny.
• 4. Learn more – go to what is domestic violence? and find the myths and facts and what is at the core -power and control.
• 3. Get involved! Click to find out how you can volunteer, drop off items from our needs list, make a financial gift, or even create your own event/drive/collection.
• 2. Remember how far we have come and envision where we can go.
  Before the late 1970’s there were no shelters for battered women and children. It’s up to all of us to build for the next generation.
• 1. Contact us and we’ll send you our business cards with our hotline. Keep cards handy and ready to share. You never know when you might need to pass our number along.